Childless

05 Feb, 2026

Choosing not to have kids is one of the toughest decisions my wife and I have had to make. I mean what can be harder than going against our DNA which is basically to reproduce. Which animal on this planet has the opportunity to say “Let’s not have offspring”. Like none. Zero.

In a way I feel that I played the bigger part in making that decision than my wife. Even though I said to her if she really wanted to have kids I would be all in, I knew in my heart because she knew my heart wasn't fully in it that she would have had second thoughts. Just knowing this racks me of guilt. I was younger and probably naive in understanding of how our relationship functioned. The worse thing is that I’m scared to ask her if this was true. If she say yes it’s true, I’ll be forever laden with guilt. If she says no then I’m not sure I would fully believe her anyway. Is she saying it just to make me feel better? Or is it no because of how things were at the time and liable to change if my opinion had been different. For now it’s just better not to know and live with the ambiguity. Some things are truly better left to the wind.

My take on having kids is that you need to have the urge to have kids. It’s primal. You either want to do something or not. I see some people around me and their whole life revolved around wanting kids. That was not me, and so I think my wife. 15 years later after that decision I still often think about it. I wonder what life would be like. What the kids would have looked like. Would I still have to work. Would I be happier.

It’s not an easy decision, it lives with you day in and day out. For me I think about it more as I get older too. I didn’t expect that.